What I Have Learned in My Life (also called an Ethical Will)
(Actually, learning implies mastery of some body of knowledge -- this is more what I have come to believe. Even more accurately, this is a list of things that I wish I'd known earlier in my life.)
by Judy Todd (written April 2010)
The usual: Take good care of yourself (1) by eating a varied diet of natural foods and avoiding sugar and processed and fast food and (2) by being physically active every day. There’s lots of empirical evidence to support the effectiveness of these two things in making your life better.
Get outside every day. We need real vitamin D. Take supplements to get about 1000 mg of vitamin D a day to strengthen the immune system. And calcium, too, of course.
“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” means forgive yourself as easily as you forgive others. And do forgive others easily.
I need to let go of my regrets and fears for my children.
The secret of joy is resistance. We can never end, vanquish, or eliminate bad stuff, so the pleasure must be in the fighting it.
You can’t help the cards you’re dealt, but you can choose how to play them. Preferably, with honesty, your best effort, and consideration of others.
Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity/ignorance/obliviousness/incompetence.
Have compassion and patience. Some day you will need them from others.
Change is constant. Not for the better more often than for the better these days.
Flossing your teeth daily can save you acres of pain.
When in doubt, be kind. Or, as Hope Todd always said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” (Thumper’s father also gave that advice.)
Bad things have far more of an effect than good things. You have to give 5 to 10 compliments to undo one criticism.
Punishment doesn’t work. Natural consequences do.
Growing old isn’t for sissies.
The outcome is not in my hands. It is OK to relax and let life happen.
It is unkind to rescue people from the consequences of their self-destructive or irresponsible behavior.
We are responsible only for ourselves. We cannot be responsible for other people’s feelings or behaviors.
We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings.
It is a law of nature that the more you try to change someone else’s behavior, the less likely they are to change. Focus where we have the power to change, our own lives.
Gratitude lists are very helpful. They counter anxiety and depression.
Bravery means going ahead and doing something that is naturally frightening, something necessary or worthwhile, not acting out or behaving recklessly. We have to die, and it’s terrifying. The only thing we can do is be brave, as best we can, and face it with dignity and integrity, the way Mom did. It would seem easier to be brave if one believed in religion or life after death. It will be hard to face annihilation with just a determination to be brave. I hope I can do it. I hope if I have a fatal illness, I can focus on enjoying my remaining days rather than ruining them with constant fear and grief. Acceptance of the hand one is dealt is key here.
It is best to make choices based on empirical evidence, when available. The scientific method is a generally agreed upon way to find out things. Without such evidence, we have to use our values, and unfortunately, there is no agreed upon way to decide which values are better or more useful. Tolerance would be key here, but people are not all tolerant and do not define it similarly. Must we tolerate the intolerant? How can we tolerate fundamentalist Muslims who want to destroy us? My values are liberal, and clearly I believe that living according to them would lead to the greatest good for the greatest number. I suppose the only way to spread these values is by example. Sometimes I think the best answer is love, simply choosing to love people. Of course, that’s incredibly difficult.
When you can’t think of any way to make yourself feel better, try dancing.
It is possible and desirable to actively substitute positive images or thoughts when you are bothered by worries or unsettling thoughts.
Capitalism is a Ponzi scheme. Unregulated, it makes the rich richer and concentrates wealth into fewer hands. Some people think that’s good. I don’t.
American consumerist society overwhelms people with trivial choices, creating an illusion of freedom, to disguise the fact that they have so little power to affect the big issues. It is essential to value other than material things.
It is better to create or do something than to consume.
We WILL run out of oil. Disaster will follow.
Did I live my life according to my 60s values of liberalism, women’s rights, and social justice? I educated poor people, mostly poor women. I did not focus on making money, although I did well. It is ironic that our early efforts to implement these values led to 30 years of right wing rule in America. It is sad that women seem to be more sexually objectified than ever, and they seem to like it, with more women than ever getting boob jobs, shaving and waxing away all their body hair, dieting, all trying to match an unrealistic cultural ideal. At the same time, there has been progress, with more women and “minorities” than ever in high status positions, even becoming president. As always, a mixed bag.
I do not understand the rise in evangelical christianity. I do not understand how school districts can vote to teach creationism and not evolution.
The basis of liberalism is supposed to be a belief in the basic goodness of most people. But it sure seems that there are a lot of stupid people if we keep electing right wing governments and enacting fundamentalist beliefs. I have not reconciled my belief in people’s goodness and the stupidity of the electorate. It seems that it is very easy to scare and manipulate people into voting against their own self interests. I suppose I should have compassion.
We have a moral obligation to enjoy life, because there are so many who cannot. We should not waste our remaining days with irresponsible or self-destructive behavior or negative or self-defeating emotions.
We have a moral obligation to care for those less fortunate, the vulnerable, the disadvantaged. I have never understood why people don’t seem to understand that it is also in their self interest to care for less fortunate and to promote social justice. Societies with more equal distributions of resources have more peace and less crime (well, except for very repressive regimes that have peace and low crime because of oppression).
In order to live, we need faith, hope, and charity. We need faith in ourselves, in our ability to cope with whatever cards we’re dealt, or faith in the natural order, that things even out in the long run. We need the hope that our choices will turn out well, or we’d never act. We need charity in the old sense of the word, caritas or caring. We need to take care of the environment. We need to take care of children and the vulnerable. We need to be compassionate towards others, so we can all get along. Charity implies action, taking steps to make the world a better place for all.
The neti pot seems to help with allergies and colds.
In addition to flossing and the neti pot, things I wish I’d known earlier in life include the importance of the anti-inflammatory diet (I’d have saved myself years of cold, sinus infections, bronchitis, and asthma) and how to avoid some of the toxic chemicals in our environment.
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