About what to look for in a long term partner. Obviously, there needs to be a degree of attraction, BUT -- hormones make us do amazing and sometimes foolish things. You may be surprised how the reduction in hormones changes our perception of people. So do not decide on partners based on physical attraction. There also needs to be many shared values. That’s a well documented finding.
Do not weigh sense of humor highly. My father was a VERY difficult man, and even as children, my sister and I often thought my mother should divorce him. When we’d ask her why she married him, she always said, “He made me laugh.” I have a close friend with a similarly difficult father, and when asked why she married him, her mother also said, “He made me laugh.” Look through the singles ads and you will see that almost all of them specify “a sense of humor.” Everyone wants that, but no one thinks about what KIND of humor. And everyone thinks they have a sense of humor, even when they do not. If you want to laugh, watch Jon Stewart. Or some other comedy show.
What should you look for in a long term partner? Kindness and generosity! Someone with a kind and generous heart is a good bet. The ability to problem solve is also valuable. Other rather obvious things to look for in a long term partner include emotional stability, intelligence, and ability to earn a living. But value kindness and generosity above all.
Ask yourself, “Does this person show kindness and compassion to others?” “Does this person make ME feel loved and cared for?” “Does this person make an effort to meet my needs?” Here’s another tip. Early in the relationship, ask the potential partner to do something for you, to meet a need, and then LOOK AT THE DATA! If the person avoids doing as you ask, do not make excuses, but pay attention and act accordingly.
People act differently when they are in love and when they are courting, and people change as time passes. So a lot of this is random luck, but kindness and generosity go a long way.
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